The last seventeen years of my life have been about two things: being a wife and being a mother. I now find myself without a tan line on my left ring finger and an all too quiet house every other week. For a girl that is accustomed to lots of activity and commotion in her world, I find myself rather unnerved at the change in my schedule and, more so, in my identity.
Everyone wishes they had a little more time to themselves, some peace and quiet, a chance to do what they want to do. But the phrase "Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it" really is true. Here I sit on a quiet summer day, windows open, listening to the birds, working on my computer in a clean and peaceful house. And I am feeling lost.
Being "Mom" is the most rewarding, precious, challenging, and blessed part of my life. When I am separated from my children I feel like a fish out of water, flopping around and gasping for the refreshing water that gives me life and purpose. Now don't get me wrong, there have been times when I have not fully embraced the "joys" of motherhood and I know there will be times in the future when I will not quite revel in the "bliss" of mothering three energetic and independent children. BUT, over-all, on average, and in this moment when I am by myself, I can appreciate and delight in the moments when I am able to completely focus on my children.
I'm guessing I am not the only mother that feels this way. Some have been separated from their children by divorce and some for other reasons. Some separations happen by choice and some are forced upon us. Some separations are positive and healthy while others are painful and not welcome. Heck, what I'm talking about it not exclusive to just mothers either. Each one of us has experienced separation from someone we love. We have felt the loss of someone we dearly loved and have had to wrestle with the emotions of picking up the pieces and moving on without them. Maybe we only need to get through a few days without them, maybe a week, a month, a year or a lifetime. But we all know what it is like to find ourselves facing a reflection that is familiar yet somehow different.
How do we move forward and recreate ourselves? How do we spend energy on redefining who we are without completely loosing who we were? How do we begin to grapple with the notion that we are still the same person, just different? How do we surrender all the control we think we have in the situation and give it over to the One that can truly give us life and purpose?
Who Am I video:
The beautiful thing is that even when I am not sure Who I Am, God does. He has a plan for my life and I know that because in Jeremiah 29:11 He tells me so... "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
So..... really, I can relax and stop trying to figure it all out. Instead I need to let go and allow God to lead and guide my life, my schedule and my identity. I need to spend time, daily, more like hourly, with the One that can comfort and soothe my soul. I need to remember that life is a process and I will be reinvented many times over. I need to not become so attached to one station that I am unwilling to grow and develop in a new area. I need to remember that I am not on this journey alone and I need to be honest and open with myself and with the angels God has placed on the path with me.
My prayer for today is that I will be comfortable with Who I Am. I pray that I will embrace who I have been and who I will become. I pray that I will forgive myself and accept God's forgiveness, through Christ Jesus. I pray that I will be open to God's work in my life. I pray that I will be the Mom AND the Woman I am called to be. I pray that I will experience a oneness with my Creator that enables me to know I am of value, have a purpose and belong because I Am His. I pray that you will believe and experience all this too!
Until We Meet Again,
Drea
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
When Life Throws You a Curve Ball.....
.....take a swing at it and see where it lands.
I have never been a big fan of baseball, the pace is too slow and the players get paid WAY too much. But over the course of the last six months I have learned to reexamine life and take a second look at things I thought I had already made up my mind about. Maybe I could learn a few things from the "All-American Sport." (Oh boy, you KNOW my life has changed in a big way if I'm about to go with a baseball metaphor!)
Lesson 1: Slow Pace - I came charging into this world at 3:13 am on the day I was born. I could not wait to get my day started. My Mother says I have not slowed down since. I try to pack more things into one day than most people try to do in a week. For a long time I thought it meant I was being "productive, efficient, in control" but now I'm beginning to wonder. I wonder what I am trying to prove. I wonder what I am trying to accomplish. I wonder what I am trying to hide from. I wonder what I am afraid of.
When life moves at a Slow Pace you are able to experience every moment of the world around you. You have to face reality and wrestle with it. You have time to observe, time to evaluate, time to process and time to make a wise choice.
God knows, all too well, that I am in desperate need of all of that!
Lesson 2: Getting Paid To Do What You Love - Now I still think those MLB guys bring home a disgusting sum of money in the face of world poverty, local homelessness and individual economic challenges, BUT it is not their fault. They are just fortunate enough to get paid to do what they love. I bet the majority of them would still play ball even if they had their salary cut in half. Sure there are some of them that are in it for the money but more often than not the "Boys of Summer" feel blessed to just walk out on that field everyday.
Have you ever experienced that? Being able to do what you love, truly love, and maybe you were even lucky enough to be compensated for it. Do you know the pleasure of using your gifts and talents in a way that brings you joy and gives God the glory? Have you ever said "...and they are paying me to do this!" Or have you ever thought "...they don't even need to pay me, I just love this so much."
So... here I sit, facing down a spinning curve ball that is flying my way. Am I going to take my own "advice"? Have I learned that it is more important to take it slow, and do what God has gifted me to do? Am I ready to give up the control and surrender in the way that will enable me to release my white knuckle grip and swing through a hit that sends that curve ball out of the park?
My prayer for today is that I have listened to my coach (God) and my teammates (friends and family); that I am prepared to use the blessings I have been given in a way that will bring Heaven a little closer to Earth. I pray that I can release my plan for God's plan, even if I don't fully know what that is yet. I pray that when I slow down I will see things that God sees. I pray that when I do what I love it will be a reflection of what God loves. I pray that when I get to the 7th inning stretch I will be pleased with how I played the first part of the game and I will be energized to finish strong. I pray that YOU are willing and able to join me in the game. The game of life where you will be thrown curve balls, sliders, and knuckle balls; all of which you will be prepared to rocket over the outfield wall through the strength Christ Jesus has placed in you.
Until We Meet Again,
Drea
I have never been a big fan of baseball, the pace is too slow and the players get paid WAY too much. But over the course of the last six months I have learned to reexamine life and take a second look at things I thought I had already made up my mind about. Maybe I could learn a few things from the "All-American Sport." (Oh boy, you KNOW my life has changed in a big way if I'm about to go with a baseball metaphor!)
Lesson 1: Slow Pace - I came charging into this world at 3:13 am on the day I was born. I could not wait to get my day started. My Mother says I have not slowed down since. I try to pack more things into one day than most people try to do in a week. For a long time I thought it meant I was being "productive, efficient, in control" but now I'm beginning to wonder. I wonder what I am trying to prove. I wonder what I am trying to accomplish. I wonder what I am trying to hide from. I wonder what I am afraid of.
When life moves at a Slow Pace you are able to experience every moment of the world around you. You have to face reality and wrestle with it. You have time to observe, time to evaluate, time to process and time to make a wise choice.
God knows, all too well, that I am in desperate need of all of that!
Lesson 2: Getting Paid To Do What You Love - Now I still think those MLB guys bring home a disgusting sum of money in the face of world poverty, local homelessness and individual economic challenges, BUT it is not their fault. They are just fortunate enough to get paid to do what they love. I bet the majority of them would still play ball even if they had their salary cut in half. Sure there are some of them that are in it for the money but more often than not the "Boys of Summer" feel blessed to just walk out on that field everyday.
Have you ever experienced that? Being able to do what you love, truly love, and maybe you were even lucky enough to be compensated for it. Do you know the pleasure of using your gifts and talents in a way that brings you joy and gives God the glory? Have you ever said "...and they are paying me to do this!" Or have you ever thought "...they don't even need to pay me, I just love this so much."
So... here I sit, facing down a spinning curve ball that is flying my way. Am I going to take my own "advice"? Have I learned that it is more important to take it slow, and do what God has gifted me to do? Am I ready to give up the control and surrender in the way that will enable me to release my white knuckle grip and swing through a hit that sends that curve ball out of the park?
My prayer for today is that I have listened to my coach (God) and my teammates (friends and family); that I am prepared to use the blessings I have been given in a way that will bring Heaven a little closer to Earth. I pray that I can release my plan for God's plan, even if I don't fully know what that is yet. I pray that when I slow down I will see things that God sees. I pray that when I do what I love it will be a reflection of what God loves. I pray that when I get to the 7th inning stretch I will be pleased with how I played the first part of the game and I will be energized to finish strong. I pray that YOU are willing and able to join me in the game. The game of life where you will be thrown curve balls, sliders, and knuckle balls; all of which you will be prepared to rocket over the outfield wall through the strength Christ Jesus has placed in you.
Until We Meet Again,
Drea
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