Everything Is Fine, But Something Doesn't Feel Right

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Have you ever been in one of those "in between" places where life has you in transition from one thing to the next? Maybe you have been in between jobs, in between houses, in between relationships. Life is basically good but somehow you just feel slightly off balance.

Maybe it is my high-controller nature that has me feeling like this right now. Maybe other people are able to breath and relax when they are at an "in between" place in their life. Maybe I am making something out of nothing in order to create an urgency that is not really there. Maybe I need to learn how to relax and enjoy living in the calm.

I am a high capacity person and when things get too quiet, I get nervous; or at the very least, antsy. I have plenty to keep me "busy" right now but I am feeling this odd sensation of not having a "life's work" kind of project in front of me. I know that I made a wise choice to put my kid's needs before my own when I decided to hold off on returning to school until the winter semester. But, you knew that was coming, didn't ya, I am beginning to feel like my life is becoming more about taking care of others and less about what I need.

Oh, hold on, I just heard that out loud. Wait a minute while I reread that....

Ok, bear with me, because I am processing this on the spot and I hope you can extend me a little grace as I do so.

I think I actually just complained about living the life, to a degree, that I am called to live. I know that God calls me to put others before myself. I know that God asks me to lay my life down in order to help another. I know that God extended His grace and mercy to me, and as a sign of gratitude and devotion I am called to show them to others. But I am human and I make mistakes, I am selfish, I get lost. Right now, at this moment, I am feeling like I am sacrificing too much and getting too little in return. As much as I know that is the wrong way of looking at things, I am having a hard time renewing my mind to the proper perspective.

Life is good: the kids are healthy, we have a roof over our heads, John and I both have jobs, there is food in our cupboards. Why am I focusing on what is not going the way I expected it too? And yet, those things, the challenging things, are still a real part of my life. Ignoring them will not make them go away. So what is a person to do when everything is fine, but something doesn't feel right?

Well I know the first answer: Turn To God. I have been in prayer, have asked for prayer, and have signed up to attend a Spiritual Retreat this upcoming weekend. The one thing I have not been as good about is keeping in the Word. I am falling back on the verses that are already locked in my heart, which is a good thing, but I am not actively cracking open the pages of my Bible to receive new insight from God. Ok, that one is easy, I can do that.

Second, I need to think through what is bothering me and get to the root issue. I am probably focusing on the surface issue, the effect of what is really going on, instead of the actually cause of the problem. This one is a little more challenging because it causes me to pause (which I am not the best at doing), reflect (which I can do), and be honest (well that can be scary) in order to process through the surface stuff and get down to the bottom of the situation(s).

Third, I need to deal with the root issue and be honest with the people in my world; my husband, my kids, my friends, my co-workers, about what is going on with me. I realize that I do not need to release on them in a way that takes the stress and the pain off of me and puts it onto them, but I need to let them know what I am struggling with so that they can pray for me, offer wisdom and discernment, reflect on how their actions effect others, and so that they can be a part of the solution.

And finally, I need to Turn To God, again, for healing, perspective, guidance and unconditional love. I need to remember that I am a beloved child of the Most High God and He cares about what is going on in my life. I am NOT walking this life alone, with no one that understands what I am going through. I actually have a personal and intimate relationship with a very real and close God who can reveal the secrets of the universe, if only I would slow down and listen.

So..... What are the things in your life that are churning just beneath the surface? What are the top layer problems and what are the real underlying issues? What is GOOD in your life? What is so good and common place that it has become invisible in your life? What is God trying to communicate to you? How is He trying to get through? Who has He placed in your path to offer wisdom and discernment into your life? What scripture passage is fitting for your life right now? Are you committed to memorizing it, locking it away in your heart and letting it fill you from the inside out?

My prayer for today is for courage. The courage to take a hard and honest look at my life. The courage to see where I have made mistakes and where I have accepted less than what God has planned for my life. The courage to trust God to work all things out for His good and perfect plan. I also pray for healing. My heart is wounded right now and I pray that God's healing love will mend it. And I pray for you. I pray that no matter what challenges you are experiencing in life that you will be able to call on God and put your faith and trust in Him. I pray that you are able to see the joy and peace that is in your life and embrace that to the fullest. I pray that we are each able to be a support to one another as fellow travelers on the road.

Until We Meet Again,

Drea